Is A Computer A Male Or Female

Recently, a group of all male computer scientists announced that computer should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing these conclusions follow:
Five reason to believe computer are female:
*No one but the Creator understands his or her internal logic.
*The native language they use to communicate with other computer is incomprehensible to everyone else.
*The message “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
*Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
*As soon as you make a commitment to one you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of all female computer scientists think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reason follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
*They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
*They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
*As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
*In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
*Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

"I Had Everything!"

A man was complaining to a friend, “I had it all money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful women; then, Pow! It was all gone!”
“What happened?” asked the friend.
“My wife found out….

How'They'Do it When It Comes To Sex

Accountants do it with Double Entry
Actors do it in the Lime Light
Astronomers do it while gazing at Uranus
Australians do it Down Under
Bach did it with the organ
Bartenders do it on the Rocks
Batman does it with Robin
Bookkeepers do it for the record
Chess players check their Mates
Consultants tell other people how to do it
Cops do it with cuffs
Deep-sea divers do it under extreme pressure
Detectives do it under cover
Doctors do it with patience
Do not do it with Bankers, most of them Tellers
Drummers do it with both hands and feet
Elevator men do it up and down
Engineers do it to a first order approximation
English do it when an accent
Frank Sinatra do it his way
Garbage men come twice a week
Gardeners do it on the bushes
Golfers do it in 18 holes
Managers make others do it
Zoologists do it with animals.

Heart Attack

A middle-aged women has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she goes God and asks if this is it.
God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures since she’s got another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face life, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.
She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures since she’s got another 30 year she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrive in front of god and complains, “I thought you said I had another 30 years.”
God replies, “I didn’t recognize you.”

God And Eve

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy,”
“What is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“what’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He’ll also need your advice to think properly. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack,”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, well…he’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

Hotel Lobby

A man is in a hotel lobby.
He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into an old lady beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, “man, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you,ll forgive me.”
The old lady replies, “Sir, if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 436.”

Gift

A young man wished to purchase a girt for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, and after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note romantic but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweethearts younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves.
The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping the clerk mixed up the items. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note.
Darling,
I chose this because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. These are delicate shade, but the lady I bought them for showed me the pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly even soiled. I had her try on yours for me and look really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

Geography Of Womanhood

From 13 to 18
* a women is like Africa-virgin and unexplored from 19 to 35.
* she is like Asia-hot and exotic.
From 36 to 45
* she is like America-fully explored and free with her resources.
From 46 to 55
* she is like Europe-exhausted, but still has point of interest.
From 56 on
* she is like Australia-everyone know it’s down there but no one gives a damn.

Genius

There blondes are walking on the beach. They find genie lamp…
Genie says, “look girls, there are three of you. So only ONE wish each!
1st blonde says, “Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter.”
….POOF! She is a REDHEAD.”
2nd blonde says, “Genie, I think I would like to be a little smarter still!”
….POOF! She is a BRUNETTE.
3rd blonde says “Genie…I have been a blonde ALL my life! Men buy me cars; give me money, and jewels…I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!”
….POOF! She is a MAN!

Genie In A Housed

A women was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the drive husband said, “Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball-don’t know out any windows. It will cost us a fortune to fix.”
The wife teed up and hit it right though the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, “ I told you to watch out for the houses! All right, let’s go up there apologize and see how much this is going to cost.”
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, Come on it.”
They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.
A man on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke my window?”
“Uh, year. Sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“No, actually I want to thank you- I’m a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You’ve released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, and I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
“ Okay, great!” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”
“No problem, it’s the leadt I could do. And you, what do you want?” the genie asked, looking at the wife.
“I want a house in every country of the world,” she said.
“Consider it done,” the genie replied.
“And what’s your wish, genie?” the husband said.
“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex with a women in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband looks at the wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don’t care.”
And neither did the wife.
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and, “How old is your husband, anyway?”
“35,” she replied.
“And he still believes in genies. that’s amazing!”

Forbidden Fruit

On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed that he was walking short steps and had a look of pain on his face.
“Sir“, she said, “you may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.”
He would have promised anything and said so. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there savoring the feeling; he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA ,PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
He couldn’t resist. He pushed WW. WARM WATER was sprayed gently upon his bottom. That a nice feeling, he thought. Men’s restrooms don’t have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. WARM AIR replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A Large POWER PUFF caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to be unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button, which he knew would be supreme Ecstasy.
He knew he was in a hospital as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
“What happened?” he exclaimed.
“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse. The ATR button is an Automatic Tampon Remover.”

First Time

It’s your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver, your body tenses, but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, waiting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins moving in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few frenzied moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you with a chuckle, that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Family Planning

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t fully appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you are mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they are sure you are not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Independent: What we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Ow: The first word spoken by chidren with older siblings.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Dumd And Dumber

Q: What do you call a blond with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant

Q: What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: “Is it mine?”

Q: Why was the blonde so excited when she put the jigsaw puzzle together in 6
months?
A: Because the box said 2-4 years.

Q: Women don’t make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself type.
A: Men are like animals- messy, insensitive and potentially violent-but they make
great pets!

Dress For Sucess

A man, called to testify at the inland Revenue Authority (IRA) asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.”
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.
“ Let me tell you a story,” replied the rabbi. A women, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Wear a heavy, long flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. “Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.”
The man protested, “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRA?”
“No matter what you wear, you are going to get…. Screwed.”

Diary Of A Blonde Wife

*Monday
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it’s fun to cook for Hughe. Today, I made an Angle Food cake and the recipe said: “Beat 12 eggs separately.” Well, I didn’t have enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
*Tuesday
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. “The recipe said: Serve without dressing.” So, I didn’t dress. But Hughe happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
*Wednesday
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said: “Wash thoroughly before streaming the rice.” So, I took a bath before streaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in the middle of the day. I cant say it improved the rice any.
*Thursday
Today Bill asked for salad again. I try a new recipe . It said :“Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. ”I hunted all over and finally found some growing in the garden by my Mum’s. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there so the dog would not take it. Hughe came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why?
*Friday
Hughe went shopping and brought home and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I’m sure I don’t know how hens dress it for Sunday, but I found a little doll dress and some little red shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. I wondered real cute. I wondered why he counted to ten.
*Saturday
Today, Hughe’s folks came over to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All we had in the fridge was hamburger. So I put in the oven and set the oven to ‘roast’. There must be a problem with the oven because it still came out as hamburger.
*Sunday
I was going to bake bread today. The recipe said: “Mix well and knead well. Then stand in warm place until double in bulk.” I just wont bake bread if I have to double in bulk!

Chinese Torture

A man was out in the wilderness and he was hopelessly lost.It had been nearly three weeks since he had eaten anything besides what he could forage and he had been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon, he came upon a really old mansion in the woods. It had vines covering most of it and the man could not see any other buildings in the area. However, he saw smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone was home. He knocked on the door and it was opened by an old man, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squinted his eyes and asked, “What do you want?”
The man replied, “I’ve been lost for the pst three weeks and haven’t had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight.”
The old Chinese man said, “I’ll let you come in on one condition:You cannot mess around with my granddaughter.”
The man,exhausted and hungry readily agreed, saying, “I promise I won’t cause you any trouble. I’ll be on my way tomorrow morning.”
The old Chinese man countered, “okay,but if I do catch you then I’ll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man.”
“Okay,okay,” the man said as he entered the old house. Beside, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat after showering, he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well; they both couldn’t keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girl’s bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, “Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience.”
Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying, “1st Chinese torture test: 100kg rock on your chest.”
“What a lame torture test,” the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out.
On the backside of the rock was another sign saying, “2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle.”
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock.
Outside the window was a third sign saying, “3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost.”

Diamonds

Diamonds are a girl’s best friends.
Dog are a man’s best friends.
Now you know which sex is smarter.

Difference

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45kg
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45minutes

Deadly Sin

Three office secretaries were having a gossip in the lunch-hour.Suddenly,one said,“I committed a sin today.”The other two exclaimed.The first one said,“I bashed up my kid brother unnecessarily.”The second said,“I punctured a hole with a paper-pin in a condom which was lying on the CEO’s table.”The third one fainted.She had used that condom with the CEO.

Cold Nun

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down.They are unable to get it fixed,so they decide to spend the night in a hotel.The only hotel in the town has only room available.
Priest:Sister,i dont'think Lord would have a problem,under the circumstances,if we spent the night together in this room.I'will sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun:I think that would be okay.The prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed places in the room.Ten minutes later....
Nun:Father,i'm terribly cold.
Priest:Okay,I will get you a blanket.(He does)
Ten minutes later....
Nun:Father,I will still terribly cold.
Priest:Okay sister,I will get you another blanket.(He does)
Ten minutes....
Nun:Father,I am stillterribly cold.I dont think the Lord would mind if we acted as man wife just for this one night.
Priest:You are probably right....get up and get your own damn blanket!

"Clinton's Party Gates Clock"

Hillary had an accident and an eary demise.Arriving at the Pearly Gates,she stomped up to the head of the line at St.Peter’s desk.St.Peter politely informed her that down on Earth she may have had privileges,but up here she would have to wait her turn in line.While waiting,she noticed one wall covered with hundreds of thousands of clocks and she noticed that occasionally one would jump ahead by 15 minutes.She asked the person sitting next toher what this was all about.“Well,as I understand it,each of these clocks represents some man down on Earth.Each time he commits adultery,his time is advanced by 15 minutes.“Can you tell me which is my husband’s clock”?Hillary asked St.Peter.“Oh,Yes,”St.Peter replied.God has it in his office.He uses it as a fan.”

Chieftain Tests

A man gets shipwrecked on a small island.After a few days wandering,he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftain.The tribe’s high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years,he must take three tests.If he passes all three tests,the tribe will accept him as their new chief. “Fair enough,”says the man. “Just let me know what the tests are and I’ll get right on them.”The priest takes him to a clearing with three straw huts in it,turns to the man and explains the tests. “In the first hut,you’ll find 20 gallons of our native beer.You must drink all of this to complete this test.In the second hut is a gorilla with a sore tooth.You must pull his tooth and survive to pass this test.In the third hut is the ex-chieftain’s daughter.You must make love to her until she can take no more.”The man agrees to the tests and begins the first test.Three hours later,he walks out of the hut and goes toward the second hut.The priest asks if he would like to have a rest,but the man says he wants to get all the tests done before he sleeps.He goes into the second hut.After two hours he comes out covered from head to toe in blood and scratches.He turns to the priest and says, “Now lead me to the girl with the sore tooth.”

Chew On It!

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite.
*Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
*We don’t know;it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive caring and good-looking?
*They all already have boyfriends.
When do you care for a man’s company?
*When he owens it.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
*Put the remote control between his toes.
How are men and parking spots alike?
*Good ones are always taken.Free ones are mostly handicapped.
Why are men like commercials?
*You can’t believe a word thet say.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
*Trustworthy.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
*“What men know about women”.

Carrots Confusion

Two elderly ladies at the green grocers are carefully selecting what to purchase.One of them holds up a tremendously large carrot and exclaims to her companion,“Wilma,this one’s just like my husband’s”.“But Edna,my dear.You mean it’s really that huge”?“No Wilma,but just as dirty”.Old lady calls up police department,“Officer,there is a man exposing him self in the next building”.

Car&Garage

A boy and a girl were playing in a sandbox at school.That afternoon when the kids went home the girl got in the shower with her mom.She pointed at her at asked,Mommy,“what’s that?”And her mom replied,“That’s your garage.Never let a boy put his car into your garage”.The boy went home and got in the shower with his dad.He pointed at his dad and said,“Daddy,what’s that”?His dad said,“That’s your car,son.Never put your car in a girl’s garage.”The next day at school the boy and the girl were playing in the sand box again.That afternoon the boy came home crying and his pants were covered with blood.His parents ask,“What happened?What happened”?And the boy said,“I tried to put my car in a girl’s garage and she ripped the back tires off”!

Camel Condom

Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette.It started to rain,so the old lady reached into her purse,took out a condom,cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke.Her friend saw this and said, “Hey that’s a good idea!What is it that you put over your cigarette?”The other old lady said, “It’s a condom.” “A condom?Where do you get those?”The lady with the cigarette told her friend that you could purchase condoms at the pharmacy.When the two old ladies arrived downtown,the old lady with all the questions went into the pharmacy and asked the pharmacists if he sold condoms.The pharmacists said yes,but looked a little surprised that this old woman was interested in condoms,so he asked her, “What size do you want?”The old lady thought for a minute and said, “One that will fit a Camel!”

A Tall Tale

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit.9 Iron.”The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. “Rabbit.9 Iron.”He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong,puts his other club away,and grabs a 9 iron.Boom!He hits it 10 inches from the cup.He is shocked. He says to the frog, “Wow that’s amazing.You must be a lucky frog,eh?”The frog replies, “Ribbit.Lucky frog.”The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?”the man asks. “Ribbit.3 wood.”The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom!Hole in one.The man is befuddled and doesn’t know what to say.By the end of the day,the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, “Okay,where to next?”The frog reply, “Ribbit.Las Vegas.”They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, “Okay,frog,now what?”The frog says, “Rabbit.Roulette.”Upon approaching the roulette table,the man asks, “What do you think I should bet?”The frog replies. “Rabbit.$3000,black 6.”Now,this is a million-to-one shot to win,but after the golf game,the man figures what the heck.Boom!Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel.He sit’s the frog down and says, “Frog,I don’t know how to repay you.You’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.”The frog replies, “Ribbit,Kiss Me.”He figures why not,especially after all,the frog has done for him,he deserves it.With a kiss,the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl. “And that,you honour,is how the girl ended up in my room.”

African Roulette

An African Diplomat was entertaining the new American Ambassador.They had spent the day discussing the progress the country had made with the Russians before kicking them out. “They built us a power plant,an airport,and taught us how to drink a vodka and play Russian roulette,”stated the African Diplomat.The American Ambassador looked pained and said, “Russian roulette is a dangerous game.” “Oh,quite so,”said the Diplomat, “that’s why we invented African roulette.In oue version,no one gets killed……” “Would you like to play?” “If you assure me that no one gets killed, I’ll give it a try,”replied the American Ambassador, “how do you play?”The African Diplomat clapped his hands and six gorgeous,completely nude women,came wiggling in to the room.The diplomat then explained that the way the game was played was to simply choose the one you want to give you oral sex.Then we each sit back to back while these gorgeous women take care of us.The first one to make a sound of any kind loses. “That’s a lot better and less risky than Russian roulette,”stated the American Ambassador quite aroused, “Let’s play.”They each made their selections,disrobed,and sat down back to back.The American Amdassador quipped that this was going to be fun,but not dangerous like Russian roulette.To which the African Diplomat replied. “Oh,I forgot to mention,one of the women is cannibal.”

Alligator Shoes

A blonde decides to buy some official alligator skin shoes.She goes into the store and the clerk tells her the price.She says,”Those cost way too much”.I am going to kill my own alligator and get alligator shoes”!So the store clerk spots the women waist deep in the swamp with a shotgun pointing it right down the nose of a gator coming right for her.Surprisingly she shoots and kills it.She drags it to the shore where there are six more gators!Then the clerk hears her yell,“Oh man!This isn’t wearing shoes either”!

AIDS

A women is picked up by a basketball player in a bar.They like each other and go back with him to his hotel suite.He removes his shirt and she sees that on this arm is a tattoo,which reads “Reebok”.She think that is a bit odd and asks him about it.He says.“when I am throwing hoop,the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for the advertisment”.
A bit later,he took off his pants and she sees ‘Head’ tattooed on his leg.He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo.Finally,the underwear comes off and she sees the world ‘AIDS’ tattooed on the penis.She jumps back with shock.“I am not going to do it with a guy who has Aids”!He says,”It is cool baby,in a minute it is going to say “ADIDAS”.”

The 11th Commandment

In light of the recent Clinton controverst,the Christion church has added an 11th commandment.............. "Thou shall not put thy rod in thy staff".

A Dog Called SEX

I can never imagine the amount of trouble i had when i named my dog SEX.This is my story. One night, the dog went missing so i went to looking for him. I was looking for him at one o'clock in the morning around Desker Road area. A passing patrol car saw me acting suspiciously.They stopped and asked me what i was doing and i said that i was looking for SEX,i spent the next few days in the lockup. The dog shooters were in town so i went to the SPCA to get a dog licence.The clerk asked me what i wanted and i said i wanted a licence for SEX.He said that if there is such a licence he also wanted one.I then went to the next counter,a girl this time when i told her what i wanted,she refused to talk to me. Then i went for holidays and took the dog along.At the hotel reception,i asked the receptionist whether i could have a separete room for SEX,she said,that i could have SEX in any room.I said you dont understand.SEX is noisy and keeps me awake the whole night.She said,ME TOO! Then i said,but you dont understand .She is a dog and she said,if i were you i dont care how she looks. When i was getting married i asked the pastor whether i could have SEX during the ceremony.He said that i will have to wait till i get home,then i said SEX is wonderful and that i was sure that every one would love it.I was chased out of the office. Eventually i got married at a marriage registrar but unfortunately our marriage did not last long.I got the divorce and had to go to court to fight over the ownership of the dog.I told the judge that i had been having SEX since i was 14 years old.He said you must have been a very strong boy. The dog really drove me up the wall,when it died and i had to seek a psychiatrist.I told the doctor ever since i lost my SEX,i was lonely and depressed. He was most sympathetic and he said,"My friend,SEX is not a man's best friend...GO GET YOURSELF A DOG......"